


and I will not be afraid of your scars

by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual)



Series: you're not healing wrong [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 06:19:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12451365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilessexual/pseuds/izzyasavestheday
Summary: Liam knew that Theo did angry –he did it full-bodied, face contoured, hands shaking. Theo gave into anger like other people gave into laughter or comfort. It was his go-to, and he was damn good at it.Usually.(Not recently, not with Liam.)-can be read individually-





	and I will not be afraid of your scars

**Author's Note:**

> super unbetaed!! sorry omg it's so late I haven't slept in so long.

Theo didn’t do anxious.

 

Not in front of people, not when it could so easily be used against him. He was in constant control –he had to be. Happiness was a rare, rare occurrence. How was he supposed to share that when he so rarely felt it for himself? Those trademark smirks were handed out for theatrical purposes and that was only when Theo willed it. He’d kill before letting anyone see him cry because, Liam knew, that was the ultimate weakness. The ultimate sign of his humanity and god forbid someone knew that Theo was human –that he hurt, that he ached, that he couldn’t sleep at night because of the nightmares.  

 

Liam knew this. He knew Theo.

 

Liam knew that Theo _did_ angry –he did it full-bodied, face contoured, hands shaking. Theo gave into anger like other people gave into laughter or comfort. It was his go-to, and he was damn good at it.

 

Usually.

 

(Not recently, not with Liam.) 

 

“What do you _want_ from me?”

 

It hadn’t been long since the _incident_ in Theo’s apartment.

 

(Liam couldn’t close his eyes, couldn’t sleep, without images of Theo gasping and moaning above him flashing into view.)

 

He’d tried, he’d tried so fucking hard to give Theo his space, to give him time, to give him the room he needed to work through whatever it was that he was feeling. But whenever Liam looked for him he always, always found Theo looking back.  

 

“Nothing,” Liam snapped, feeling small under the hardness in Theo’s gaze. “Not a fucking thing, fuck off.”

 

Liam wondered just how upset Melissa would be if he shoved Theo straight through a wall. Would that wake up Clarke? Would the insurance cover an enraged werewolf incident? Would it stop Theo from looking at him like that –all narrow-eyed suspicion?

 

“Then why,” Theo stuttered (a miracle, a fucking miracle) hands shaking by his sides. The sight of them did nothing to comfort Liam. “Why do you keep –why are you.”

 

And just like that, Theo’s hesitant words took the fight straight out of Liam.

 

“Why what, Theo?” Liam questioned, quiet. “Why do I keep looking at you?”

 

Theo suddenly looked _young._

 

“I can’t do this,” Liam went on, exhausted. “I told you how I feel already and I told you I didn’t expect you to feel the same, I don’t, but I can’t fight with you on this. Not about this.”

 

Theo’s chest heaved like they’d been fighting with their fists, his heartbeat echoed loudly in Liam’s ears –when’d he get so bad at covering that up? There was something bitter; something scared about his scent that drowned out the citrus that usually hung around him.

 

 _He’s been through hell, Liam._ Lydia had told him, careful, careful. _If he doesn’t return your feelings you’re just going to have to deal with that. His status in the pack is not conditional –that doesn’t change—he has to know that._

 

This was important. This was easily one of the most important moments in Liam’s life. Because this –the snapping, the suspicious glares, the elevated heart rate— was Theo doing anxious. This was give and take. This was trust, and fuck Theo, because trust was everything in pack.

 

This was Theo, in his own twisted ugly way, letting Liam in.

 

No one got to see this side of Theo.

 

Liam swiped a hand across his face, “If you don’t, you know, return my feelings or whatever. It’s fine. It’s okay.”

 

Shock loosened Theo’s jaw and deflated the rage in his shoulders. “I can hear your heartbeat –I don’t even need to hear your heartbeat to know that was a lie.”

 

Liam rolled his eyes, “My heartbeat is none of your business, Theo. What I feel is my problem. You’ll still have a place in this pack –that’s like, nonnegotiable and that won’t ever change.” Liam frowned suddenly at an unwanted thought, “Unless you want it to. Unless –unless I made you uncomfortable.”

 

“No,” Theo said immediately, “I don’t want it to.”

 

A moment—

 

 A single moment. Liam gave himself a moment to take in the way Theo’s hair curled onto his handsome face, the way his broad shoulders filled out his shirt, the open way he was looking back at Liam.

 

“Okay,” Liam could hear the tiny sound of Clarke’s cranky just-waking-up sounds. “Okay. I’m gonna.” He gestured behind him. All Liam wanted was to give Clarke her bottle and bask in her as-of-yet unconditional love. And honestly? Probably cry a little bit too. Because Hayden _sucked_. But this? Despite his mature words about feelings, this thing with Theo hurt in a whole bunch of new, exciting ways.   

 

(He still couldn’t believe it. Liam couldn’t believe that a tiny baby alpha had showed up at their doorstep and now they were all raising her like they had any fucking idea what they were doing. But they were all she had anymore, and they were determined to be all that she ever needed.)

 

“When’d you get so soft, Liam?” Theo asked. It took Liam back to the night when Theo finally, finally, finally came back, back to when this had started over for them. Liam turned to walk towards Clarke’s room, humorless laugh on his lips. “Fuck if I know, man—

Theo grabbed his arm, spun him back around, and pressed a single, chaste kiss to his mouth –just a bit off center, just enough to really break Liam’s heart. 

“You’re not,” Theo rasped, stepping back before Liam could even begin to react. “You’re not making me uncomfortable.”

Liam gapped, “Okay?”

“Okay,” Theo nodded, still stepping backwards. “Okay, see you around.”

The front door shut quietly behind him leaving Liam gapping at it –he could still feel the ghost-touch of Theo’s lips on his, burning, _burning._   

❣

Malia’s eyes didn’t waver from Theo’s face, despite baby Clarke in her lap, and Theo stared back at her impassively arms tightly cross against his chest. They had to do this, didn’t they? They had to do this in Clarke’s room of all places.

“I still don’t trust him.”

A muscle jumped in Theo’s jaw.

“Well,” Liam worked around their stupid standoff, collecting Clarke’s dirty clothes into the laundry hamper, moving his homework into a corner of the room where he can work on it later, organizing Theo’s GED books into a neat pile. He had a fleeting thought that all this back and forth would be easier if Clarke lived with them, if they lived together, especially because Clarke had become the focal point of all their lives. “I do, and I’m acting alpha, so tough luck.”

Despite Liam’s words, Theo’s scent had taken on a sick edge. So Liam gently took Clarke out of Malia’s arms, “Wait, no, why are you taking her?” and deposited her into Theo’s arms. The effect on Theo was instantaneous –his shoulders deflated, a soft smile found its way to his lips, and he looked down at Clarke, already whispering sweet words to her and ignoring everyone else.

Malia looked murderous, “You trust him with _Clarke_?”

Liam answered absentmindedly, folding Clarke’s clean onesies into a pile. “I trust him with everything.”

He missed the way Theo froze, too busy thinking about Clarke’s appointments. They’d already faked Clarke’s necessary papers and found her a werewolf pediatrician but Liam just couldn’t remember when her next appointment was.

(Her name was now legally Clarke Liana McCall –Liana in honor of the woman who’d died bringing Clarke to their doorstep. McCall because she was officially Melissa’s orphaned niece. Clarke because she was _theirs._ )

“Are you crazy?” Malia asked, calmly. “Because this is the same guy that convinced you that killing—

Liam flashed his eyes at Malia.

She sputtered in shock, laughing. “Oh my god, are you seriously flashing your eyes at me? Seriously?”

He wasn’t going to get angry, despite the way he felt the rage crawling just under his skin. Not in Melissa’s home, not around Clarke, and especially not when he knew that Theo’s nightmares woke him up crying, begging for some sort of solace, some sort of forgiveness.  

“Theo,” Liam said, “when’s Clarke’s next check up?”

“This Wednesday?” Theo said slowly, “I’m on her list of approved guardians since I’m 18 so I was gonna take her since Melissa is working.”

Liam hummed, nodding. Malia tilted her head, curiously. “What’s Clarke’s blood type?”

“A-positive,” he answered, immediately. “What are you doing?”

“Humor me,” Liam said, “How does Clarke like to be held?”

Theo hiked Clarke up his hip a little, brow furrowed. “Like this. She hates being cradled.”

“How old do we think she is?”

“Probably 4 or 5 months, but not any older, because she hasn’t shown signs of teething yet.” At that moment, Clarke started frantically gnawing on her fist, making Theo grin. “Never mind, looks like we’re never getting sleep again.”

Liam snorted, they’d worry about that later. “What’s Mason’s favorite color?”

“What? Liam, come on—

“Humor me.”

“It’s purple.”

“What’s Melissa allergic to?”

Theo’s was full out glaring at him, but still humoring him nonetheless. “Shellfish.”

“Uh huh,” Liam turned back to the small pile of clean laundry, but not before sending Malia a quick look. “I trust him with everything.”

Everything.

❣

He had half an hour to stop by’s Melissa’s to see Clarke before running back home to shower, change, get some breakfast and make it to school by first period. He pressed forward, ears straining for the sound of Clarke’s babbles, and stumbled to a stop at the conversation he heard instead.

“There’s,” he heard Melissa’s gentle voice, “there’s this therapist in the area that Scott went to for a while, after we lost Allison.” Melissa hummed and cleared her throat, “Anyways, her name is Haley. She’s a human member of a nearby pack, so, no need to tip-toe about the supernatural stuff.”

“What about the ripping out my sister’s heart stuff?” Theo snarked, “Can I tip-toe about that stuff?”

There was a moment of silence.

“Do you regret it?”

Silence, silence, silence—

“More than anything,” Theo finally replied, voice cracking. “More than anything I’ve ever done.”

Liam imagined Melissa’s kind face, the way she could make anyone feel worthy. Scott didn’t get that from his father, that’s for damn sure, but he wished he could rush up the stairs and beg her to drop it, beg her to just let Theo be.

“I think you’re doing fine, kid.” Melissa said, “and I think seeing a therapist and working through the fact that you were raised by sociopathic butchers will help you do better.”

Theo laughed softly, genuine.

“I didn’t,” Theo started and stopped, “I haven’t thanked you. For, you know, everything.”

Liam exhaled roughly. Theo didn’t do this, this was, huge. Incredible.

“You’re welcome, Theo.” Melissa said, because she was the best person in the world and knew exactly when to drop a topic. “I was thinking of mentioning the therapy thing to Liam, too. God knows he’s seen some crap these last couple of years.”

“Speaking of,” Liam felt hot and cold all over at the playful tone Theo’s voice had taken, “You gonna come up or keep eavesdropping, Liam?”

Liam rolled his eyes and stomped up the stairs, “I wasn’t _eavesdropping,_ Jesus, I just didn’t wanna interrupt.”

Theo with Clarke –now, that, was a sight that Liam could just never get used to no matter how much time they all spent together. It made him think of the future. It made him think of Sunday mornings and sleeping in and having more kids and—

“’Morning, kiddo.” Melissa grinned at him from her seat in the rocking chair, taking a sip of coffee from her mug. There was another mug for Theo. The scene –Theo and Melissa spending quiet mornings chatting and taking care of Clarke—made Liam’s heart feel too big for his chest. He was so fucking happy that someone else, someone that wasn’t him, got to see this side of Theo –all soft hair and genuine smile and gentle hands wrapped around Clarke.

“Good morning,” he replied easy. He stepped towards Theo before he could talk himself out of it and pressed a kiss to Clarke’s cheek making her turn her loud babbling towards him. She was so excited and happy to be surrounded by so many people she loved.

“Don’t I get one?” Theo asked, cheekily.

Liam gapped, like an idiot, for a moment before surging forward and pressing a kiss to the corner of Theo’s unsuspected smiling mouth. He turned back towards Melissa, whose eyebrows had climbed to her hairline, “What? You want one too?”

She laughed loudly, arms open, “Hell yes. Come here, kid.”

She hugged him hard and pressed silly, giggly kisses to his face the way his mom used to do when he was a kid. Theo shifted Clarke onto his hip, the both of them laughing sweetly, and it was perfect.

It was absolutely perfect.  

❣

Liam exhaled—

It’s a miracle, really, that Malia stuck around as long as she did.

Between Clarke’s general adorableness and the fact that she thought Liam was out of his mind for keeping Theo around, this was the longest Malia had stuck around since the older members of the pack had gone off to college. It was a miracle she stuck around because when the fucking _fairies_ came knocking –all iced rage and a sick desire for baby Clarke’s alpha power— Liam was caught in the crossfire.

 (Of course he was –life had been too good. He’d been too happy.)

So, there he was. Guts spilling out of him, Corey’s frantic hands stuffing him back together, body falling apart too fast for his healing to catch up.

“Don’t die.” Malia did that thing where she disguised the panic in her voice with short, clipped sentences. “Did you hear me, dickface? Hang on so I can save your stupid boyfriend.”

Liam blinked, dazed. He couldn’t feel his hands.  

Malia grabbed his face roughly and forced him to look at her eyes –her scared, furious eyes. “Liam, do you hear me? I will fucking kill you if you die, okay?”

“’Kay,” he managed, barely. Malia’s fingers tightened on his face for a moment before she turned, roaring and brandishing her claws, and ran to Theo’s side. Liam’s vision kept flickering, fading in and out, catching only moments, fleeting, fleeting, fleeting—

Huge shards of ice erupted from the ground. The roots of the trees shifted beneath them. Corey’s terrified face, bloodied hands, he’s talking, mouth moving, but Liam can’t hear him. He can’t hear anything. Vines wrapped around Theo’s chest. Theo’s face contoured in pain. Blood, blood, Malia’s blood, her eyes flashed, teeth bared as fire shot towards her –she couldn’t fight fire, Liam latched onto the thought frantically, she couldn’t fight fire, shecouldntfight—

A familiar screeching reverberated around the forest, shaking the ground.

Red, red eyes—

Darkness.

Darkness.

Darkness.

❣

Pain, pain, pain—

Liam’s back arched on hard metal, a loud sickening ripping, an agonizing fire in his belly—

“He’s waking up _!_ ” Someone yelled, “Hold him down, Theo! Keep him from moving!”

“Fuck’s, he’s ripping—

“Hold down his legs!”

Arms wrapped around his throbbing shoulders, crying, crying, crying, lips pressed to his temple.

“I’m sorry,” a voice said, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Screaming, screaming, screaming –It was him, it was Liam screaming.

“I’m sorry,” the voice said again. “Liam, stay with me, I know it hurts. I’m sorry.”  

He felt himself sink into a blissful, painless darkness—

“No!” the voice screamed, too loud, too fucking loud. Everything hurts. “Liam, Liam, come on, baby, look at me.”

He knew that voice. It was the most important voice in the world.

“Look at me, come on,” the voice begged, a face swam into view, all vague shapes and faded lines. “Come on, you know, you know I can’t do this without you. Y-you can’t leave me, you can’t leave Clarke. You remember Clarke, Liam? You can’t leave her.”

“’hurts,” he managed, barely. 

“I know, baby” the voice said, trembling hands ran through his hair. “I know, but you have to stay awake, can you stay awake for me?”

Liam tried so hard, so hard. He wanted to do whatever the sad voice asked but he was so tired. He felt himself sink back into the darkness.

“Liam! _Liam!_ ”

❣

He slowly came back to the surface.

He was in Scott’s room. He knew this from the familiar scents of ScottStilesLydia imbedded in the wood around him. He knew that baby Clarke was sleeping pressed to his aching side. He knew that someone was methodically combing their fingers through his hair over and over again. Liam opened his eyes slowly, grateful for the soft light of the lamp on aching eyes.

“Hey honey,” Lydia was laid beside him on Clarke’s other side. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like I was gutted by an evil fairy queen,” he rasped in reply.

Lydia’s fingers tighten painfully in his hair for a moment, she snorted wetly. “Don’t make jokes like that when Theo comes up.”

Theo? _Theo._

“Fuck.”

“Yeah Liam,” Lydia pressed her trembling lips together. Her eyes were red rimmed and there were dried tear tracks on her face. “Fuck’s right.”

“How bad was it?”Liam whispered. Lydia tilted her head, listening, as heavy feet made their way up the stairs. “Lydia, don’t, please don’t leave.”

“Oh no,” she said, sitting up and gathering Clarke into her arms. “Oh no, babe, you’re on your own for this one.”

She pressed a hard kiss to his forehead and made it out of the room just as Theo was stepping in. He closed the door after her with a quiet snap. Liam sat up slowly, aware of the bandages wrapped tightly around his belly, and rubbed away at the familiar ache in his jaw.

“You had to knock me out again, didn’t you?” He joked weakly. There was a beat, the thundering of Theo’s heart in his ears, and—

Theo roared in his face –loud, horrifying, shaking the pictures on the walls. Downstairs, Liam could hear the sound of Clarke’s startled crying.

“You think this is a _joke_?” Theo bellowed, “You _died_! You died, Liam! Your stupid fucking heart stopped beating and you want to joke about it!?”

Liam blinked, speechless, hands curled in his lap.

“Theo—

“No! Fuck you. Don’t fucking _Theo_ me, you _bastard._ ” Theo yelled, slamming his fist against his chest with each painful word. “You had to play the hero, didn’t you? You couldn’t just—

“Just what?” Liam asked, genuinely confused. “Let you and Malia fight them on your own?”

“YES!” Theo roared around the fangs that filled his mouth, his eyes flashing yellow. “Yes, you stupid fucking idiot, yes!”

“You know what?” Liam laughed, ugly, moving to get out of bed. “Fuck you, Theo—

He gasped in pain; he’d moved too quickly, spoke too loud. Pain shot through every aching bit of him. Theo was suddenly on the bed crowding against him, gentle hands pressed to his belly, taking his away his pain. Liam’s chest heaved as the pain left as quickly as it had come. Sluggish, he belatedly noticed that Theo’s shoulders were shaking, head bowed, _crying_ –Theo was crying.

“Hey,” Liam whispered, wrapping a shaking hand around his wrist. “Hey, stop, come ‘ere.”

Liam tugged and Theo just kind of collapsed, hands sliding between Liam’s back and the mattress, face pressed into the crook of Liam’s neck and shoulder, holding his body away from Liam’s –still gentle, still careful.

“Don’t you ever, Liam, never again. Never fucking again.”

“Sorry,” Liam pulled gently at the hairs at the nape of his neck, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You died,” Theo shuddered through a sob. Liam felt dazed and out of his depth –this was Theo, this was Theo. This was the love of his life. “I watched you die. I heard your heart stop.”

“I’m here,” Liam pressed a kiss to Theo’s temple, his hair, leaned back a bit and pressed kisses to his eyes. He tasted the salt of Theo’s tears on his lips. “God, Theo, look at me. I’m alive. I’m here. I’m right here.”

Theo opened his wet, red eyes and just _looked._

“Yeah,” he rasped, “yeah, you are.”

It wasn’t quick. It wasn’t rushed and off center –not this time.

(They were past that weren’t they?)

Theo inched forward slowly, eyes flickering between Liam’s mouth and eyes, waiting. Liam gave himself a moment –he only needed a moment to take in just how fucking beautiful Theo was, tears and all– before meeting him halfway. Liam slid his hands over Theo’s arms, his neck, just under the jut of his jaw. Theo kissed him like he’d never kissed him before, kissed him achingly, _achingly_ slow. Pressed his tongue to the seam of Liam’s lips and Liam gave way under the soft pressure, mouth open, Theo’s tongue sliding velvet smooth against his. He pulled Liam’s upper lip into his mouth, sucking, until a low moan punched out of Liam.

“Okay,” Theo rasped, pressing delicate kisses to the corner of Liam’s lips, his cheeks, and the bridge of his nose. Liam protested weakly when he pulled away and sat at the end of the bed. “Maybe when your guts aren’t still outside of you, baby.”

Liam was never particularly fond of pet names or endearments, but coming from Theo it caused a heat to expand low in his belly.  

“Later?”

Theo was doing that thing, watching him all wide-eyed, like he’d never seen him before. Like, if he blinked one too many times, Liam would disappear.  

“You have to know,” he rasped, “you have to, I don’t need to tell you.”

_Oh._

Liam shifted slightly over the pillows, carefully sitting up further. “Oh no, buddy, this topic needs explicit communication.”  

“I don’t deserve you,” Theo whispered, laughing wetly. “I never will. But that hasn’t stopped you from lov –from caring about me.”

“I love you,” Liam corrected him firmly –because this was it, wasn’t it? It was now or never. This was explicit communication. “I _love_ you.”

Theo closed his eyes momentarily.

“You’ve given me so much,” he whispered, “You took me out of hell. With you, it stopped, it stopped being about survival. It felt, feels, like I have a reason to live. You gave me a home when no one, Liam, no one did –I never deserved any of the kindness you showed me.”

“I was a dick to you,” Liam blurted, “I punched you in the face every chance I got.”  

“Liam, fuck, shut up and listen to me.” Theo’s chest was heaving painfully now, “You trusted me with Mason and Corey –with _Clarke_. You trusted me around your family –even, even when I didn’t trust myself, you still trusted me.” Renewed tears had gathered in Theo’s eyes, voice cracking with the effort to not let them spill, “And then you gave me this.”

He gestured vaguely between them.

“I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop,” he went on, laughing humorlessly. Liam’s fingers itched to reach out and pull him back into a tight embrace. “I kept waiting for you to want something from me –but you didn’t, you just, let me be. You told me I could stay even if I couldn’t –even if I couldn’t.”

So broken, Liam thought, he was so fucking broken.

“Theo,” Liam clenched his jaw, because he could feel the heat of tears in his throat. “Theo, that’s not even, don’t even fucking talk about that. You don’t owe me a fucking thing.”

Theo smiled brilliantly; he had the most beautiful smile Liam had ever seen in his life.

 “I know,” he replied, “I know. I just, I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

Liam wanted to surge forward and kiss him quiet, kiss him dramatically, like they do in the movies. But all he could do was slump back into the pillows and stare at Theo in shock.

“Really?” he asked, voice smile.

“Yeah, Liam.” Theo’s voice broke, “I want, I fucking want things I’ve never wanted with you.”

Liam wanted to laugh, he wanted to sob. “Me too, man. Fuck, me too. Please come back here because I still can’t really move.”

Theo fell into his embrace easily, laughing, crying. In the soft light of the lamp, they spent their time pressing kisses and forgiveness into each others’ knuckles. Into the same knuckles they’d once used to beat each other black and blue. This was it, Liam thought, this was all he ever wanted. If only someone would bring Clarke back upstairs then it would be perfect. 

They would be complete. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :'))


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